Love is a Battlefield

US Wealth Napolitano |

By: Thomas W. Schulte, CFP®

The plans are simple: we land by the lumberyard, search for weapons and defensive mines, which then enables the four of us to fortify an abandoned home and defend ourselves. It is me, Tomcat from Boston, O’Shea from Manhattan, Sweet Dol from Charlotte and EK from Albany. Together, we form a highly skilled, tactical assault squad that has been called upon frequently since March. Day in and day out, we face countless hazards to our lives ranging from enemy assault teams, drone strikes, and poison gas, (just to name a few), but we have recently identified our most dire and existential threat: our girlfriends.

It happens all too often. The four of us will be in perfect sync, smashing away on Xbox buttons and speaking inaccurate military terms over our microphones as we find our way to heat of the virtual battle. Tragically, at the most inopportune moments, one of our loving significant others will have lost all patience and pull the power cords to the Xbox, abandoning the rest of the squad, all but guaranteeing a swift defeat.

Coupled with each of us Xbox losers, we have Khrista, Nicole, Lily & Jenna. None of them seem to hate our gaming habits more than another, but you can be sure that they all really hate it in general. And believe it or not, none of us guys were ever big fans of video games. That was until COVID struck. In March, April and May, we were almost encouraged to play our games to alleviate the boredom and stress of an unimaginable global pandemic. Although Khrista would cheer on our in-game shortcomings and deaths, it was rare for her to rip the microphone off my head and tell the team that this was my last game.

The summer months came and passed like a shot of adrenaline administered on our virtual battlefield. Our days of pickup basketball, golf, and hikes have ended and we have found ourselves once again armed with Xbox controllers. As I said before, as of late, the girls have shown no mercy and will end our games on their terms if necessary. Our solution (as of this past weekend): Sundays. Once typically reserved for football gatherings, we have repurposed our day of rest as girlfriend-sponsored gaming time. Week 1 was successful, but the future remains unclear. Like many of you, I too am praying for winter to pass as quickly as possible.