A Not-So-Slow ride

US Wealth Napolitano |
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Tom Schulte, CFP®

Several years ago, during one of Khrista’s many visits to Boston while still living in Los Angeles, we found ourselves wandering around the Seaport’s Harbor Walk. As we watched a few planes take off and barges pass by, we heard screams and Ozzy Osbourne’s ‘Crazy Train’ very clearly off in the distance. To our surprise, we saw that the commotion was coming from a large, angular speedboat with roughly 75 passengers, exiting the harbor for open ocean. Over the shredding guitar riff of Ozzy, we heard a man on the boat yelling things across the speaker like, ‘are you ready?!?’ ‘let me hear you scream!’…. the typical pump-up verbiage. As he counted down from three, we heard the engines roar as the boat went full throttle with screams and laughter that followed. We overheard another group explaining that this boat was an attraction called, ‘Codzilla’ famous for fast and erratic movements on water. In my eyes, I saw a speedboat. Through Khrista’s eyes, she saw something as spectacular and riveting as a rocket launch or a glimpse of the Northern Lights. As she picked her jaw off the ground, she looked me in the eyes and sternly said, ‘if I move here, you need to take me on Codzilla.’ I quickly accepted. After four years, I figured she would have forgotten that moment. But on a warm afternoon this past September, sure enough, we stumbled upon the 12:00pm Codzilla ride with expensive, yet available seats. It was time to pay my debt.

The entire Codzilla experience lasts no longer than 30 minutes. 10 minutes to navigate out of the channel, 10 minutes of nautical nonsense, followed by the 10 minute return trip back to the dock. It began very tame and underwhelming—I felt somewhat cheated. However, as I had my phone out to snap a few pictures, out of nowhere, the boat made a strange maneuver into a wave sending a wall of seawater across the entire vessel. This was not just a splash, but an absolute drenching. These kinds of scream-yielding movements continued for another few minutes as the other boats passing by watched in disgust.

Though I had fun, I wasn’t the happiest of campers as the fall ocean breeze was ripping through my soaked clothes. As we taxied back to the dock, one of the staff pointed out at to a large, beautiful ship sailing across from us. He explained that it was the USS Constitution, first launched in 1794. Aboard the ship that day were 12 Medal of Honor recipients gathering for a 9/11 memorial. Having the chance to see the USS Constitution off the dock in itself is a rarity. To see it for such an honorable cause from a unique perspective is an entirely different experience. That alone was well worth the price of admission and wonderful way to spend a day…...or 30 minutes.